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dis·crim·i·na·tion: the practice of unfairly treating a person or group of people differently from other people or groups of people

I believe a good question would be why do we discriminate? 
A simple answer is because we're taught to fear what strays out of social norms, reject the difference, and try to be as normal as possible in order to be accepted in society.

That's a lame answer isn't it? Sadly, most of it is very, very true. 

However, here's one thing that we should realize, times changed, we're a new, rising generation, unlike our fathers and mothers. Difference is everywhere. 

Voices against Discrimination is a blog series aiming to shed light on different part of our society. A window into things and people we usually fear, in hopes that we can make a difference.

By all means, these blogs are not meant to offend or disrespect anyone. These blogs have a single aim: to spread awareness.

 

Voices Against Discrimination #3 Suicide Awareness and Prevention



The World Health Organization estimates that approximately 1 million people die each year from suicide. What drives so many individuals to take their own lives? To those not in the grips of suicidal depression  and despair, it's difficult to understand what drives so many individuals to take their own lives. But a suicidal person is in so much pain that he or she can see no other option.

Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can't see any way of finding relief except through death. But despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish there was an alternative to committing suicide, but they just can't see one.

A suicidal person may not ask for help, but that doesn't mean that help isn't wanted. Most people who commit suicide don't want to die—they just want to stop hurting. Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking them seriously. If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, you might be afraid to bring up the subject. But talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life.


Common Misconception about suicide

FALSE: People who talk about suicide won't really do it. 
Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats. Statements like "you'll be sorry when I'm dead," "I can't see any way out," — no matter how casually or jokingly said may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

FALSE: Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy. 
Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They must be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness.

FALSE: If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop them. 
Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want death; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

FALSE: People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help . 
Studies of suicide victims have shown that more than half had sought medical help in the six months prior to their deaths.

FALSE: Talking about suicide may give someone the idea. 
You don't give a suicidal person morbid ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true—bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Source: SAVE – Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

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What is it like to wake up with suicide thoughts every day?


It's not a pleasant feeling. That's as simple as it may get. It's not pleasant to be contemplating death first thing in the morning, nor wake up and sigh at the realization you're still alive. It's often hard to look at your own reflection in the mirror and the thought of having to go through an entire day is often frightening. 

There's no simple answer in itself as to why people kill themselves, but it happens and it's an issue in our society that can't be overlooked. 


Fact


Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.

people DO NOT attempt suicide to prove something or to get sympathy, no. A suicide attempt is a cry for help that should never be ignored. It is a warning that something is terribly wrong. Chronic depression can lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness, and a suicide attempt is one way some people choose to express these feelings. A suicide attempt is also not done to gain someone's sympathy, as those that attempt to take their life do it for internal reasons-they simply can't stand the pain they feel emotionally and/or physically. It isn’t to try and get someone to feel bad for them, that's the last thing they would want.

Fact


The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression.

why?
A person living with depression does not always have the same thoughts as a healthy person. This chemical imbalance can lead to the person not understanding the options available to help them relieve their suffering. Many people who suffer from depression report feeling as though they've lost the ability to imagine a happy future, or remember a happy past. Often they don't realize they're suffering from a treatable illness, and seeking help may not even enter their mind. Emotions and even physical pain can become unbearable. They don't want to die, but it's the only way they feel their pain will end. It is a truly irrational choice. Suffering from depression is involuntary, just like cancer or diabetes, but it is a treatable illness that can be managed.

Facts


There are four male suicides for every female suicide.
An average of one person dies by suicide every 13.3 minutes
For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the second leading cause of death.
Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims.

It's a sad reality isn't it? One of the most common causes of teen suicide is bullying, followed by abuse of all sorts and sometimes mental issues, but bullying plays a major role. 
Many people retain horrible memories of high school, in large part due to the bullying they experienced. Teenage bullying is a very real problem in schools. And it isn't always physical. There are many different types of bullying, including verbal and emotional bullying. These types of bullying, though more subtle than physical bullying, can still have a large impact on a student. Additionally, with the Internet now becoming a huge part of many teens' lives, it is no surprise that cyber bullying is seeing an increase.  

In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as "just part of being a kid," it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide. Many people may not realize that there is also a link between being a bully and committing suicide.  

Today's society has set some near impossible 'norms' for us. You're free to imagine the pressure caused by such norms on a teenage who's desperately trying to fit in school, even among adults, this is a serious issue, bullying doesn't stop at high school sometimes it goes beyond. You'd be amazed  at some of the reasons that would get a girl or a boy bullied, it can range from wearing the wrong shoes  all the way up to being overweight or even wearing glasses. 

We're supposed to be free, to choose who and what we are, not be driven like sheep behind the ongoing stream of media and trends. It's not ok to be a victim for being different. 


Can suicide be prevented? Are there warning signs?


Suicide is preventable and suicide prevention works. It's hard but it's not impossible to save a life. Most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to prevent suicide is to recognize these warning signs and know how to respond if you spot them. If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal, you can play a role in suicide prevention by pointing out the alternatives, showing that you care, and getting a doctor or psychologist involved.

Major warning signs for suicide include talking about killing or harming oneself, talking or writing a lot about death or dying, and seeking out things that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as weapons and drugs. These signals are even more dangerous if the person has a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder, suffers from alcohol dependence, has previously attempted suicide, or has a family history of suicide or have been a victim of severe abuse, rape or bullying.

Take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously. It's not just a warning sign that the person is thinking about suicide—it's a cry for help.

A more subtle but equally dangerous warning sign of suicide is hopelessness. People who feel hopeless may talk about "unbearable" feelings, predict a bleak future, and state that they have nothing to look forward to.

Other warning signs that point to a suicidal mind frame include dramatic mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as going from outgoing to withdrawn or well-behaved to rebellious. A suicidal person may also lose interest in day-to-day activities, neglect his or her appearance, and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits.



I suspect a family member or a friend is suicidal, what can I do?



:bulletyellow: Speak up if you’re worried:bulletyellow:



Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be extremely difficult for anyone. But if you're unsure whether someone is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask. You can't make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may prevent a suicide attempt.

Be yourself, don't judge the person, and don't give a premature opinion. Understand, understand, or at least try to understand their situation, where they're coming from, the reasons, the pain. It's hard, it's not easy, but be patient, listen. Don't lecture them about the value of life, or argue against their words, let them finish, yet at the same time don't agree to secrecy, this is a life you're dealing with, secrets can be deadly.  Offer hope, reassurance, the feeling that you do care for real and that they're not alone, but don't try to fix their problem, or give advices on how to. A person on the verge of suicide is usually in a delicate emotional state and making them feel extra guilty for their troubles won't help.  


:bulletyellow:Respond Quickly:bulletyellow:


If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it's important to evaluate the immediate danger the person is in. Those at the highest risk for committing suicide in the near future have a specific suicide PLAN, the MEANS to carry out the plan, a TIME SET for doing it, and an INTENTION to do it.

Suicide risk varies between low, moderate, high and severe being the worse obviously. While low and moderate risk may or may not have a vague plan on how they'd commit suicide, high and severe risks will have a plan, a time and means, only difference is that the people at severe risk will be confirming that they'll commit suicide, however people at high risk will usually answer no when asked whether they'd commit suicide or not. 

The following questions can help you assess the immediate risk for suicide:
Do you have a suicide plan? (PLAN)
Do you have what you need to carry out your plan (pills, gun, etc.)? (MEANS)
Do you know when you would do it? (TIME SET)
Do you intend to commit suicide? (INTENTION)
If a suicide attempt seems imminent, call a local crisis center, dial 911, or take the person to an emergency room. Remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity but do not, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone.


:bulletyellow:Offer help and support:bulletyellow:



If a friend or family member is suicidal, the best way to help is by offering an empathetic, listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care. Don't take responsibility, however, for making your loved one well. You can offer support, but you can't get better for a suicidal person. He or she has to make a personal commitment to recovery.

It takes a lot of courage to help someone who is suicidal. Witnessing a loved one dealing with thoughts about ending his or her own life can stir up many difficult emotions. As you're helping a suicidal person, don't forget to take care of yourself. Find someone that you trust—a friend, family member, clergyman, or counselor—to talk to about your feelings and get support of your own.


Get a professional help if you have to, call a crisis line or the local police, follow up on treatment Be proactive. Those contemplating suicide often don't believe they can be helped, so you may have to be more proactive at offering assistance.  Continue your support over the long haul. Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person, periodically checking in or dropping by. Your support is vital to ensure your friend or loved one remains on the recovery track.


Sometimes however, we're not that lucky. It's too late when we reach out for help. 
What is a family's reaction when a family member completes suicide?
Most feel a combination of emotions: anger, sadness, guilt, shame and fear. They wonder what they could have done and why they didn’t do more. Suicide is different from other kinds of sudden death because the reason for the death is difficult to understand. With a car accident there is an external explanation or cause – an icy road, loss of vehicle control, etc. With a homicide, the grief-stricken can point to a perpetrator. With suicide, we don’t have an external cause, and so we ask ourselves over and over: 'why?'

It is okay to grieve. The death of a loved one can feel like sudden, unexpected and drastic amputation of a limb without any anaesthesia. The pain cannot be described and no scale can measure the loss. We want so much for our loved one to return so that we can do something, and we ache knowing that it just can’t happen. You need to know that it's okay to grieve.
It is okay to cry. Tears release the flood of sorrow of missing the one you love. Tears relieve the brut force of hurting, enabling us to "level off" and continue our cruise along the stream of life. Shedding tears is not a sign of weakness-it is a sign of our human nature and emotions of deep despair and sorrow. It's okay to cry. It is okay to heal: We do not need to "prove" that we loved the person who has died. As the months pass we are slowly able to move around with less outward grieving each day. We need not feel "guilty", for this is not an indication that we love less. It only means that, although we don't like it, we are learning to accept death and it's finality of the pain our loved one suffered. It's a healthy sign of healing. It's okay to heal.

It is okay to laugh. Laughter is not a sign of "less" grief. Laughter is not a sign of "less" love. It's a sign that many of our thoughts and memories are happy ones and our dear one would have wanted us to laugh again. It's okay to laugh.

Adapted from: Suicide: Survivors - A Guide For Those Left Behind


There's one thing left to be said here. There is no pain greater than seeing a loved one suffer or seeing them lose interest in life. You, yes you, you're taking your time to help, worry and shed tears in both sorrow and anger, don't blame yourself it's not your fault. You're brave for standing next to them, you're courageous for not taking the easy way out and ditching them. There will never be a worse pain than that suffering , but the realization that you made a difference , that you saved a life is worth it. You'd be proving the them that there's still hope in the world, there's a future behind the dark cloud. Please don't give up on them, there's no greater reward in the end than that one smile that lets you know everything is going to be ok.


References and offsite resources



Suicide Prevention Center-FAQ
Help Guide-Suicide Prevention
Youth Suicide Prevention Program
SAVE- Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
Bullying and Suicide

If you are in a suicide crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (USA)



We apologize about not having an interview in this issue but it's nearly Christmas. We believe talking about what might be the darkest moments in our lives should be left aside. It's almost a new year, a new chance to start, a rebirth.


if you have a topic you'd like us to discuss, please send us a note at or send a note directly to me SolidMars Next issue is going to be mental illness.  If you'd like to volunteer for an interview, please note us. We can't do it without your support.

Take a stand, make a difference. Say no to discrimination.
 



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